Bit by a Cougar

Hey Jodi,


Im just kinda curious about your opinionon this one. This situation isnt too common so okay here goes...
I fell in love with my best friends mother. We have been dating for 3 years now and no one knows about it. We have gone away on weekend vacations and everything.  She get’s me whatever I want and breaks me off what I need too. I want to move in with her and officially make her mine because i honestly love her and i believe she loves me too.  What do I do? How do I tell my bff w/o hurting her. O by the way I am a woman as well.




Sincerely,
Bit by a Cougar

Let me start off by saying WOW... Indeed this is no typical situation. The first question that comes to mind is, if the love is so strong, why have you guys been hiding it for three years? Is it purely because you guys dont want your best friend to find out? There is honestly no way out of this without someone getting stung. Does the best friend know that her mother and/or you are even attracted to women? Let alone dating each other for three years? This is hard because on one hand, your and adult and need to do whats best for you, yet this is surely gonna shock your bff's system.

If it were I, id just sit everyone down and tell all truths. Thats all you can do at this point. Tell everyone how you feel and see where that leads you. When in doubt always be honest to yourself and how you feel. That usually gets you the best outcome...

Let me know what happens,
Jodi~


P.S. Dont confuse when i say 'best' outcome with 'desired' outcome. The truth usually exposes everything for what they really are. Dont be surprised if your arent able to keep both relationships as they are now.

10 Grieving Dont's...

November 13th, 2009 i lost my someone that meant the world me.  I lost my Granny or as others knew her Willie Mae Gage.  With this major lost in my life came a dark period that most people around me werent use to.  Most times when people dont know how to handle situations its very easy for them to just do dumb stuff! LOL! 
Dont get me wrong, i love my friends and family but some of the stuff just made me go 'Eh???' So ive composed a list of 10 things to try to watch for when helping someone grieve...


1) How are you?
Asking how a person is RIGHT after someone close to them has passed may be the dumbest thing that you can ask.  How do you think a person who has just lost a major part of their life is going to feel? Great? Not quite... its your best bet to assume that the person in grief is feeling the worse pain that they have ever felt (because most likely thats how they feel) and just be there. Dont talk (cause you havent proven yourself capable so far) just be there to listen.


2) Im Sorry
ME TOO!!! I understand that its common to say 'Im sorry' when hearing someone has passed, but before you say it the person in grief has already taken for granted that you didnt want this to happen and that you feel bad, saying 'im sorry' just reminds the grieving person how akward things really are... Say 'My condolences' or something. Idk.


3) Is there anything i can do?
Yes, you can bring back the person i just lost... O you cant do that? Well in that case no... there is nothing you can do.  Dont get me wrong, i understand this is coming from the utmost generous part of your heart and if the person was in their right state of mind they would be better able to respond, but because they are NOT in their right state of mind this too just points to a sign thats says 'THIS IS WEIRD'

4) Well at least...
REALLY? AT LEAST WHAT? AT LEAST IM NOT DEAD??? Because depending on who you dealin with they might just want to do that.  Do your best not to compare this stituation to ANYTHING! You wont win and will NOT make the person feel better.  If they're anything like me it just pisses them off. 

5) I remember when my _____ died...
Who cares? Not to be rude, but from the most honest place in a grieveing persons heart, WHO CARES??? Clearly when _____ died in your life you were able to get over it and yadda yadda ya, but this aint that, AT ALL.  Even though in your mind the situations may be IDENTICAL to the person in grief, this aint that, and never will be.  Comparing grief can backfire on you very badly seeing as everybody grieves differently.  Not to slight your experience but just because when yo cousin died you picked flowers and it helped doesnt mean when my mom dies i can pick flowers and itll help... im jsut sayin.

6) Not calling
Depending on who you are in a persons life just you calling and saying 'Im here for you' is enough to give a grieving person the strength to get out of bed.  And you not calling can do the exact opposite.  i understand it may be hard for you as well and you may not know what to say but a simple 'Im here' will do the trick.  When a person loses someone close to them its very important to make then feel like they are not alone.  The loss of a close loved one is a very lonely time and close friends and family should make sure to let the pesron know they are loved (without annoying them, lol)

7) Calling too much
Its one thing to call and check up on someone but calling every hour is ridiculous.  Just plain annoying.  Like anyone else a grieving person needs time to themselves to sort out their thoughts and feelings.  She/.he cant do that if their phone is ringing off the hook.  Chill out, they know you care.

8) Calling and saying nothing
If you have nothing to say, just text hi... Dont call and breath, its annoying... in any situation...

9) Inviting yourself over
Even though in your mind the person doesnt need to be alone or needs to be consoled, if you dont know dont act.  If its rude to just drop by on a regular basis what makes you think ots ok just because ____ passed? Guess what? ITS NOT!

10) Why didnt you...
Ask a person why they didnt call you and tell that their loved one passed or calling and asking why they didnt 'invite' you to the funeral is just plain stupid.  A) the person isnt in their right mind or emotional state.  B) the funeral isnt a club, it a place to show respects.  Most of the person is too busy trying to get themselves together for the funeral. C) THIS AINT ABOUT YOU!!! Period.

These are just tips to consider.  None of this is fact or researched, just some things to keep in mind in case you ever have to run into this situation.

Jodi~

Soul Star Speaks Out

Hey, hey, hey!


If you wanna catch up on random conversation between Jodi and SoulStar or if you just need a really good random laugh from dry humor and awesome pics, check out soulstarspeaks.tumblr.com Im sure you wont be disappointed.


Jodi~

A Fresh Cup of Jodi

Its a new, yall got new issues and im here to help.  Ive recently been MIA but i apologize and im bizack and better.  So keep checking daily for new posts from you and others that are gonna give that bost you need to your day!


Jodi~