...In the eye of the beholder

In a random act of boredom (and yes i was at work... feel free to take this moment to judge...) i typed in the word 'beauty' in google images to see what popped up... And no, i wasnt amazed... I was rather dishaertened by my random discovery. I went 10pgs threw and out of 10pgs (20 images on each) there were 8 and a possible black images... EIGHT! In mathmatical terms on average out of 200 'beautiful' things about 8 of them are 'black'... the ratio of black beauty to actual beauty is 2:50... thats sicking and totally untrue. And lets not even start talking about the fact that there wasnt anything over a size 1 to be seen throughout these 'beauty' pics... What if i didnt have a functional brain and googled beauty so i can see what i needed to make myself 'beautiful'? Id be somewhere passed out with throw-up on my breath and bleach all over me, smh. There was only one really beautiful picture to me of a beautiful dark skinned woman with beautiful skin... And not being bias but i think out of all the pictures depicted by google, i was most impressed by this one. Now other pictures that popped up that i am expected to be impressed by looked like this: NOW... On top of the fact that i dont plan on going anywhere looking like this, SHE HAS TERRIBLE SKIN! Like... really? Idk... these things struck me as odd... Im not saying google thinks these things are true, but this peeked my intrest because as far as we love to believe we have come beauty, as well as most other things dwells in the eye of the beholder. Guess who the beholder is? Smh Idk i get sensitive about how beautiful yet unacknowledged my black is. And ppl wonder how Michael lost his mind...

What really Grinds my Gears...

Here are a few things that really Grind my Gears:

1) Mean old ppl
-They don't have that long left to be that mean
2) Saggy jeans
-Like why? Its not '93 and you're not in jail.. let it go...
3) Cheap men
-Don't ask to be treated like the man if you cant provide like one
4) Dirty Nails
-*sigh* as accessible as water is there is no excuse... you can tear off a piece of paper... use ya bus card, something! JEEZE!
5) Mean ugly ppl
-Strike one is you're ugly... Why give me another reason to not like you???
6) Spam
-i shouldn't need to explain...
7) Ridiculously chipper ppl
-No one is that happy all the time, therefor i have no choice but to believe that you are a serial killer...
8) The Blueprint 3
-Yea i said it... and ill say it again! I am a die hard Hova fan but the truth is the truth... The singles are the hottest songs on the CD... the rest of it sounds like Timbaland and Kanye having a "who's beat is better" contest... Jay-Z is Jay-Z cause he got his own swag that doesn't need justification nor attention brought to it... He spent the entire CD talkin about himself, smh
9) Ppl who are still talking about the Kanye-Taylor fiasco
-I didn't know who she was until it happen... its over... neither of them have helped me pay a bill so ultimately i don't care...
10) American Dad
-Its a waste of crayons... Its not funny and pretentious...
11) Nosey ppl
-Why does the fact that you have no business lead to you leaning in on mine??? I have a remedy though, if catch ya being nosey imma just talking about something real uncomfortable or make an obscene gesture... We'll see how often you dip in my business then...
12) Plus size floral print anything
-Its like wearing a sign that says i don't have control over anything... including what i wear...
13) Stupid ppl
-The don't deserve to be liked...
14) Muffin tops
-C'mon now! YOU FEEL THAT HANGIN OUT! HELL! DON'T NOBODY WANNA SEE THAT! HMPH!
15) White ppl with dreds
-Like why? What is the reason? To get back to their roots? Because their hair is so hard to manage? smh
16) Multi-colored weaves
-Now one is born with green, blue, pink or purple hair. Its like wearing a sign that says 'No i don't want a job' or 'Yes, my name is in fact Bonqueesha' or 'HOW'D YOU KNOW I HAD THREE KIDS BEFORE I WAS 18???'
17) High school *scratch that* All kids...
-I just don't like 'em
18) Macy Gray's voice
-Its just unnecessary...
19) Ppl who try to fit in
-Be yourself and maybe ill acknowledge your existence
20) Flooding pants
-Just looking at someone else flooding makes me uncomfortable...
21) Big ol' men holding iPod mini's
-Just looks awkward
22) Bobby Brown's mouth
-Its just so much wrong with it... It makes me frown
23) Extravagant birthday parties for one year olds
-Have you ever heard someone say 'Man my 1st birthday party was the BOMB! It changed my life!'
24) Over dressed pets
-Where are they going and what are you trying to prove???
25) Bad breath
-If you don't want me to fart in the middle of a conversation than neither do i, whether it comes from your tongue or your butt...

Gotta get it right...

Sup Jodi,

Ok, so this question may seem obvious but its not to me... Lately i just cant get hard when my woman touches me, BUT lately when ive been workin out and my trainer walks in the room, he makes me hard. But all this is recent... and i dont think im gay but now i just dont know...

CantGetRight

Hey CantGetRight...

Um wow... i must say that i had to read this twice because the first time i read this i felt like we both knew the answer... BUT i need a couple of answers answered before i can get a FULL grasp of the situation. How long have you been with your woman? Have you ever been with a man? And is this the only man that gets you hard like that? Also whats going on in your relationship with your woman? Are thing great? Boring? or Terrible? This may have a lot to do with it. And in fact you may not be gay. You may be at the bi-curious stage in your life. Who knows, if youve never done anything with a man, u might try it and hate it...
Before you do anything drastic like going forth and actually cheating on your lady explore and see if your relationship is worth being salvagable. Dont force anything though, if another man is getting you hard as chinese algebra than maybe you are gay, or bi, or whatever. And if you are, who cares? You be you and do what you need to do. No point in walking around life with your head down (pun intended) just to make somebody else happy...

Try and answer these questions for me and Let me know what happens,
Jodi~

Complicated Solo

I know that my unique notes
aren’t always pleasing to your ear
Or that the song that im singing
may not be the one you want to hear
its like I deceive you with the melody
and woo you in
but then I don’t letcha touch the body
cause that’s a sin
but still your aroused by my crescendo
that pulls you in with magnetic force
then mesmerized by the pout in my decrescendo
and the mystery behind my voice
still the sound of my legato
doesn’t put you at ease
because id rather sing a solo
then compromise my verse
so you curse my composer
cause this song just isn’t fair
you wanna get so much closer
but im just not there
so you turn the chick in the choir
who sings for the community
even though with her songs there is no fire
she is who you want her to be
so im stuck here singing acoustic
still solo with so much soul
and you realize these words, you need it
but you theyre just too deep for you
so in the end its not the songstress
who isn’t playing her tune right
its him with the unplugged headphones
who only pretends to be my brotha to the night

Jodi~

Emergency?

why the emergency
to emerge in me
urgently
before certainly
knowing me
not just ‘insert here’ and see
not just kneading me
with your foolery
beware my insecurties
for they double as security
to guard from he
who cant really see
me…
like why.
cant.
we.
slow.
dooooooooown?
and get back to the conversation
that suffered elimination
yet was filled with so much information
vital for future relations
if any
cause i fear youve been with many
that is-
cause you wont even stop to
smell the damn rose
and who knows
if ur cons weigh than ur pro’s
i suppose?
but now you’ll never know
cause uve tainted my image of you
its true
and there is nothing you can do
to get back in my good grace
all because you could pump the brakes
on this major emergency
to emerge in me
urgently
without sense of the real me

Jodi~

Good Dick, Bad Dick, Her Dick, Your Dick?

Dear Jodi,

This isnt really and 'advice' question but i would like to your opinion none the less. Would you prefer "good dick" thats shared or "bad dick" thats yours? Personally id rather be celabate for the rest of my life then put up with bullshit, when did sharing second place become okay? I think this is a disgusting problem amongst black women and i just wanted to know how you felt.

Anonymous

Wow!

Well unfortunately for us selfish women this is becoming quite the problem. Me, myself, personally feels like any "dick" thats attached to a man that loves me, treats me right, got a job, and aint gon' cheat cant be all bad... na' mean? And any "dick" that at completely yours cant be that all that good now can it??? But you know what, i could be wrong (not likely but...) let me know what you think out there ppl.

Jodi~

Threesome, Cheatsome

Hey Jodi Girl!

My boyfriend and i have been together for a year. We are happy but i want to cheat... I want to be with a woman... Should i ask him to join?

What do you think,

Threesome or Cheat?

Hey Threesome or Cheat!

A couple of questions come to mind before ansering this. Does your boytoy of a year know that you are interested in woman as well? Also this woman that you would like to bring into the relationship, is she someone you know or a random girl? Before cheating i would mos def ask him what his fantasy is. Hint to him that you are open to the idea of another woman and see where it goes from there. If he does end up open to the idea of a threesome then HURRAY! You get to have ur cake and eat it too... Now after finding out his fantasies ti ends up that he is anti-threesome then comes the time for self reflection. How bad do you really want to be with another woman? Also how in love with your boyfriend are you? If this urge of your could potentially harm your relationship would you still go after it? I say if you have a good thing dont risk it... Talk with him about his fantasies and see where that leads and let him know about yours as well. Maybe this will uncover some extra spice. If another woman isnt apart of his plan and you still desire to be with one, consider asking him for a break, that way whatever happens on break, stays on break. Avoiding cheating as much as possible... Men as more sensitive as they let on to be.

Hope you get both of your fantasies fufilled...

Let me know what happens,

Jodi~

Unfortunate or Funny, U be the judge

Maybe sleeping on the train is how she ended up like this... smh..

Ballet career down the tube...

Cutting loose

Dear Jodi,
How can you let some one go If they don’t want to let go ?

Unknown

Hey Unknown,

This is a hard question to answer only because its so easy. Basically you just asked me 'How do not wear that purple shirt even though it wants to be worn?' Its easy, KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET! Or in other words 'How do i say NO?' is what youre asking me. Its quite simple *ahem* No, NO, NOOOooooOOOOO... Im a professional at saying it. If you are uncomfortable in a situation and want to let it go why do YOU care what THEY want??? THEY are the reason YOU wanna let go in the first place right? Forget them!!! Be selfish for once! Stop thinking about what THEY want and live for YOU. In the end the person you ultimately have to live for is you so why not make YOU happy as much as possible???
Now your assignment is to figure out whether or not you really wanna let go... Because the more you want to let go, the easier it is too..

Let me know what happens,
Jodi~

3yrs and Counting?

Hi Jodi:
My name is _, and I've been n a monogamous relationship (on my part) for close to 3 years now. I'm starting to feel as though I want out, due to the way things have been happening. Such as me having to right down bad situations when they happen and I'm noticing that they ar happening more frequently. I feel as though I'm suppose to be the girlfriend tht just says yes to everything and tht I'm supose to sit at home and knit while he's out having fun and fucking? When I see him now I start to question myself as to y am I still here? Please Jodi.. What shall I do?

3yrs and Counting...
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Hey 3yrs and Counting
Sooooooo first i want you to re-read what you wrote and see if you can point out any problems yourself... No? You cant? Well lets disect the severe issues here one by one. You start of by saying 'monogamous (on my part)'... Do you really feel like you are the only one committed to this relationship? Because if so we should stop right here. The bottom line is if you know he is cheating on you and you are staying with him then you are doing the right thing. Because if you dont think you are worth a better man, than you're probably not... Save the good ones for me honey! O, and dont think just because you havent 'caught him red handed' that you dont 'know'... When you call him and he's out with his friends and he cant pick up, you 'know' he's cheating... When he has girl-friends that he met after you guys got together that you barely know, you 'know' he's cheating... Honey you're a woman so when you cant sleep at night or you cant focus at work because you're worried about him, you 'know' he's cheating... O and as for you writing down ALL the bad situations thats reason enough to cut him loose... You aint heard??? You can do bad all by yourself!!! If imma be writing down bad situations its gonna be staring and co-staring ME, thats it! Now it aint nothin wrong with sitting at home and knitting, but if that aint what you wanna do then dont! You settle for waiting your whole life on a man you just might end never living. Honey if when you look at him you think to yourself 'y am i still here' then dont be... You said you're 'starting' to feel as though you want out, but by the time you actually verbalize that you've been feeling that way, you've actually been feeling that way for a while... Usually i would say for you to way the good and the bad of the relationship and see if its something worth fighting for, BUT you've already got your naughty list and no nice list. Take a break... see how you both feel without each other for a while, this may work out for the best. You may find out you like it like that...
My honest opinion is that this 'relationship' has run its course. Consider changing your name from '3yrs and Counting' to 'Suddenly Single'

Let me know what happens,
Jodi~

Dear Jodi

For questions that you want answered please feel free to email me at ACupofJodi@yahoo.com or tweet me your questions at www.twitter.com/ACupofJodi. All persons shall remain anonymous and I promise to get back to you as soon as possible.

Jodi~

Looking at the other side

In a conversation about bums with friends, one of my friends shared her dismay with a certain bum she ran across a few weeks ago...

Her: So a couple of my friends came to visit a few weeks ago and while walking around downtown we came a cross a bum that was *insert obscene hand gesture*

Me: He was masterbating???

Her: Yes!!!!! Omg it was sooooo nasty, like how rude

Other friend: I cant believe he was doing that!!!!

Me: In his defense it is hard to find a safe place to masterbate these days… Poor man just happen to have been horny when yall walked by… *smh*

Both: *faces in total shock*

Me: WHAT???

Honestly, was i so wrong to look at it form the bums point of view???